Taking Responsibility

I honestly don't even know where to start tonight. I have so many thoughts bouncing around in this brain of mine that I really don't know where to begin. What I want to write about in this blog isn't an original thought of mine, although I wish I were that inspirational to come up with this on my own. However, these thoughts (or ramblings-if you will) stem from an amazing message I heard tonight at church. As I sat there, I felt convicted and inspired all at the same time. Probably a great combination!! Because when conviction and inspiration are combined for me, they equal the desire for a change.
Tonight, the pastor challenged us to "be the me God wants me to be". He challenged us to look in the mirror, at ourselves honestly, and see ourselves for what we really are. Then he talked about taking responsibility. Here is what he said.."You are in every relationship that you have. Every relationship has a common denominator.... YOU! You have input and influence in every relationship in your life simply because you're in it. As a result, you have a say in the health of every relationship in your life. They are healthy or not because of the role YOU play in them. If you're ever going to have a healthy family, a strong marriage, a solid connection with your kids, you've got to take responsibility for you. It all begins with you."
WOW. That is deep. What it boils down to is - my relationships can only be what my participation allows. I can either make it better or worse. Do other people play a role too? Yes, but it begins with me. I can change ME. I can't change other people. Just because it isn't my fault, doesn't mean it isn't my problem. So if my marriage isn't what I think it ought to be, then I better start working on myself. If my friendships aren't what I think they should be, I better be a better friend. If my relationship with my parents isn't good, then I can start working on being a better daughter. And since I know I'm not perfect, I have PLENTY of room to make changes.
I think as humans we just don't like to be responsible. We want to place the blame on other people. "well, THEY need to do this... THEY need to get better at that. I'm not the only one in the wrong." It began in the Garden of Eden with the very first sin. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and God confronted them about it.. we all know what happened. Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit. Eve blamed the snake for giving her the fruit. Nobody wants to take responsibility. Because it takes admitting that we are wrong. And that is NOT fun.
But if I want to grow as a person, as a Christian, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend- I need to take responsibility for me.
Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart. test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
I want that to be my prayer. That God would point out things in my life that need to change (and believe me, He's already gotten started!!!). And then, I want to let Him change me; to make me better. So that my marriage can be better, my friendships can be better, my relationships can be the best that they possibly can be. I want to take responsibility for me.