I have not blogged here in so very long, I hope I remember how. But I feel that God has given me a testimony to be shared. Some of you who know our family, know that our son Jonah struggles with some health issues. It is those health issues that have given our family and me a testimony to share.
Jonah was born early at 31 weeks and 2 days, weighing 3 lbs and 6 ounces. He spent close to a month in the NICU at Forysth and God was ever faithful to us through those very difficult days. Jonah had very bad reflux and was on special formula and medications to help. Raising a preemie was challenging and I struggled with post partum depression, which made it more difficult. At about 10 months old, as we were introducing new foods to Jonah, he broke out in a severe rash from head to toe that turned into a very bad staph infection of his skin. We figured out at that time he must have some serious food allergies. He had allergy testing done and tested as highly allergic to milk, eggs, and peanuts. At that time, we were given an Epi-pen for him and told to avoid those foods at all costs as they could be life threatening. He was (and still is) an extremely picky eater and we were able to navigate pretty well with this food allergies and keeping him safe since my mom watched him while I was working.
When he turned 2, we decided to put him in daycare to allow him to socialize some since he's an only child. Several months into his daycare attendance, he had an anaphylactic reaction while at daycare during lunch. The daycare said they didn't really know what happened, but my gut tells me he probably was given regular milk to drink on accident. He was taken by ambulance to Brenners hospital and given Epi once in the ambulance and once again when he arrived at the hospital. His oxygen levels were dangerously low on the ride there and there are really no words to describe what I was feeling as I prayed desperately for God to take care of him and help him be ok. He ended up having to stay overnight in the pediatric ICU because he had what they call a "biphasic" reaction, which is when the reaction returns again after having calmed down after an administration of Epinephrine. All in all, he had three shots of epinephrine during that anaphylactic attack.
Thankfully, he recovered and was fine to go home the next day.
Since then, he has had two more anaphylactic events leading to ER visits and epinephrine injections. It has led us to be extremely careful and nervous about being around food that he is allergic to. This makes family events, birthday parties, etc very nerve wracking. A lot of times, we choose to stay home rather than have him be accidentally exposed to something that might cause a reaction.
Years ago when Jonah was diagnosed, we began praying for healing for him. Radical healing. The kind that the dr.'s would look at his test results and say "we've never seen this before". We have asked many of you to partner with us in praying for his healing. And we have faithfully prayed. Every. single. day. Prayed with unwavering faith that we know God will heal him. A year or so ago, God gave me the word "hope" and told me that I was to hold onto hope. That healing is coming. I had the word engraved on a key that I wore on a chain around my neck. It was my reminder to not lose hope, even during the waiting season. I cannot tell you how many times I worshipped privately and corporately with that word around my neck. It was a symbol of the warfare that I was engaged in for the healing of our son. I believe and still believe that God WILL HEAL him. Completely. And he will be able to eat anything he wants with no fear of a reaction. I believe with my whole heart that day is coming.
However, over the past year I have struggled with the grief and disappointment as he has continued to have reactions and the isolation that can come with this allergy. God and I have had some serious talks, honest talks. I have ridden the waves of every emotion that comes with disappointment and grief over chronic illness in your child. Over the past month or so, I had the process of a breakthrough. It started with sharing our family's testimony after someone asked me what my key necklace meant. It was as if speaking aloud the testimony to a complete stranger flicked a switch in my heart. Not long after that, the Lord spoke to me and said "Lori, you have been placing your hope in Jonah's healing, instead of me. I AM YOUR HOPE, not his healing. You are to walk in a new place now. A new season. A place of no more fear. No more anxiety about what might happen. "
Last week, I gave away my key to someone else in need of some hope. And I ordered a new key. A new key for a new season. A season where I will walk confidently even while we wait on Jonah's healing. And just like Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego told King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 3... Even if he doesn't, it wouldn't make a bit of difference... Even if God doesn't heal Jonah, My confidence and my hope in the Lord will not be shaken. I'm learning that this world has nothing for us.
While I believe that healing IS coming for Jonah, health and healing is NOT the most important thing. The Lord will be my most important thing. He is my hope. And I am thankful to be walking in a new season, confident, even while we wait.
Monday, April 16, 2018
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Prepare Him Room
"Prepare Him Room". Someone posted that phrase on social media last week as a reminder of the true reason for the Christmas season that is upon us now. It has resounded in my mind and heart ever since I read it. In a world where chaos and busyness and "stuff" works to crowd out the Spirit, there is a still small voice still speaking "prepare him room". Not just during Christmastime, although I love this season because I get to marvel at the best gift I've ever been given. The gift of heaven come down in the form of a sweet baby, born to an unprepared, ill-equipped teenager who made herself available. Immanuel, God with us. Love come down.
Psalm 98:9 The Passion Translation:
"Look! Here he comes! The Lord and Judge of all the earth! He's coming to make things right and to do it fair and square. And everyone will see that he does all things well."
He left heaven to come and make everything right. To set all wrong things right. Not in the way people expected, as I've come to learn he never does. He does it in ways that are so much better.
So what would happen if I made room for Him? What would happen if I cleared the clutter of unimportant things and distractions, and simply made room? Because he never changes, I can confidently state the answer. He will always come where there is room, where he is invited, in unexpected ways and with unexpected gifts.
This Christmas season, it is my prayer:
Come, Lord Jesus. More of you. Less of the inconsequential.
I think the best way to leave this is with a link to a great song on this very topic.
Lyrics:
Who is man
That you would care for us
You clothed yourself in flesh
To draw us near
In sinful man
You've made our hearts your home
To make your glory known
Your redemption clear
Let every heart
Prepare him room
For nothing else
compares with you
Restore the joy
of our salvation Lord
Prepare our hearts
for more of you
No greater love
has anyone than this
To sacrifice the gift
of your only son
So we lay aside
All the earthly things
And all that comes between this great divide
Merry Christmas, all
May it be filled with more Jesus than it ever has before.
Psalm 98:9 The Passion Translation:
"Look! Here he comes! The Lord and Judge of all the earth! He's coming to make things right and to do it fair and square. And everyone will see that he does all things well."
He left heaven to come and make everything right. To set all wrong things right. Not in the way people expected, as I've come to learn he never does. He does it in ways that are so much better.
So what would happen if I made room for Him? What would happen if I cleared the clutter of unimportant things and distractions, and simply made room? Because he never changes, I can confidently state the answer. He will always come where there is room, where he is invited, in unexpected ways and with unexpected gifts.
This Christmas season, it is my prayer:
Come, Lord Jesus. More of you. Less of the inconsequential.
I think the best way to leave this is with a link to a great song on this very topic.
Lyrics:
Who is man
That you would care for us
You clothed yourself in flesh
To draw us near
In sinful man
You've made our hearts your home
To make your glory known
Your redemption clear
Let every heart
Prepare him room
For nothing else
compares with you
Restore the joy
of our salvation Lord
Prepare our hearts
for more of you
No greater love
has anyone than this
To sacrifice the gift
of your only son
So we lay aside
All the earthly things
And all that comes between this great divide
Merry Christmas, all
May it be filled with more Jesus than it ever has before.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
2015, A Year of His Presence
I always like to look back at the end of a year and try to sum it up somehow, so that I can remember. I'll journal about the highlights of the year, things that were important that happened, things that weren't so great that happened, etc. This year, I'm not going to journal about the things that happened or the things that I want to remember. I mainly want to remember one thing about this year. It was a year where I experienced the presence of the Lord like never before. It was a year of big changes, challenges, emotional struggles and quite frankly I wouldn't want to do most of it all over again. But it was a year of His Presence. It was a year of His faithfulness. And for those things, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I was reading back to a journal entry that I wrote in May of this year. I was having a rough morning and God brought to mind the story of the woman that touched the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed. The particular thing that stuck out to me that morning in that story wasn't the healing. It was the pushing through the crowd part. That woman was desperate for a touch from the Lord. She fought through a crowd to just get a glimpse of him. She knew if she could just touch the hem of his robe, she would be changed.
I wrote in my journal this:
When we push through circumstances, we experience breakthrough. But: the breakthrough isn't the reward. His presence is. Pushing through those circumstances takes a lot of effort. You want to give up. I know I have. But it's worth the effort. The reward is priceless. It's incomparable. It's precious. His presence is ALWAYS the BEST REWARD. The healing isn't the reward. The provision isn't the reward. The answer to prayer isn't the reward. His presence is.
I've pushed through this year. There have been tears. There have been moments when I wanted to give up. There were private pains that were only shared with the Lord. There were moments of intense power struggles. Oh but his presence was my reward.
I was reading back to a journal entry that I wrote in May of this year. I was having a rough morning and God brought to mind the story of the woman that touched the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed. The particular thing that stuck out to me that morning in that story wasn't the healing. It was the pushing through the crowd part. That woman was desperate for a touch from the Lord. She fought through a crowd to just get a glimpse of him. She knew if she could just touch the hem of his robe, she would be changed.
I wrote in my journal this:
When we push through circumstances, we experience breakthrough. But: the breakthrough isn't the reward. His presence is. Pushing through those circumstances takes a lot of effort. You want to give up. I know I have. But it's worth the effort. The reward is priceless. It's incomparable. It's precious. His presence is ALWAYS the BEST REWARD. The healing isn't the reward. The provision isn't the reward. The answer to prayer isn't the reward. His presence is.
I've pushed through this year. There have been tears. There have been moments when I wanted to give up. There were private pains that were only shared with the Lord. There were moments of intense power struggles. Oh but his presence was my reward.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Following the Sun
I haven’t blogged in ages. But this morning, I feel like the Lord revealed something to me that was too good not to share. I’ve been hearing the Lord telling me to “turn my affections” towards him. I’ve heard that phrase used in teachings that I’ve been listening to and I just wasn’t sure what it meant. It made sense in my head sort of but I wanted it to make sense in my heart. I believe that true intimacy with the Lord is found in this statement of “turning our affections towards him”.
I was meditating on this on the way to work this morning, and asking God to teach me what it meant to turn my affections towards Him. Immediately God gave me a picture in my mind, a vision, of what this means. I love when he speaks in pictures to me because I’m such a visual person.
In this vision, I was seeing a sunflower. Have you ever seen a sunflower and how it reacts with the sun? We have a sunflower growing in our yard and I’ve gotten to watch it and how it responds to the sun. It actually follows the sun with its face. When I take the dog out in the morning as the sun is just beginning to rise, the sunflower is sort of droopy and facing the ground, but as the sun rises, the sunflower lifts its face and it follows the direct of the sun. It is truly a miraculous thing to watch. It can’t help but be drawn to what the sun has to give it.
Here is a link to a very dramatic look at a time lapse of sunflowers
I think turning our affections towards the Lord looks just like that. We are starting in a position of looking at our problems, our situations, and our focus is on ourselves. But as the sun (the Lord, in all his glory) makes himself evident, how can we keep from looking at him? When we turn our affections towards the Lord, we are choosing to turn off our mind to what’s going on in our lives and choosing to turn our attention on him. When we do that, we are able to just soak in his presence without distraction. We are able to find a new realm of intimacy with Him. I believe that in this act, we will be able to reach new depths in our relationship with Him.
Hebrews 12:2 “Fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”
Only by fixing the eyes of our hearts on Jesus can He begin to perfect us through intimacy of knowing Him.
I was meditating on this on the way to work this morning, and asking God to teach me what it meant to turn my affections towards Him. Immediately God gave me a picture in my mind, a vision, of what this means. I love when he speaks in pictures to me because I’m such a visual person.
In this vision, I was seeing a sunflower. Have you ever seen a sunflower and how it reacts with the sun? We have a sunflower growing in our yard and I’ve gotten to watch it and how it responds to the sun. It actually follows the sun with its face. When I take the dog out in the morning as the sun is just beginning to rise, the sunflower is sort of droopy and facing the ground, but as the sun rises, the sunflower lifts its face and it follows the direct of the sun. It is truly a miraculous thing to watch. It can’t help but be drawn to what the sun has to give it.
Here is a link to a very dramatic look at a time lapse of sunflowers
I think turning our affections towards the Lord looks just like that. We are starting in a position of looking at our problems, our situations, and our focus is on ourselves. But as the sun (the Lord, in all his glory) makes himself evident, how can we keep from looking at him? When we turn our affections towards the Lord, we are choosing to turn off our mind to what’s going on in our lives and choosing to turn our attention on him. When we do that, we are able to just soak in his presence without distraction. We are able to find a new realm of intimacy with Him. I believe that in this act, we will be able to reach new depths in our relationship with Him.
Hebrews 12:2 “Fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”
Only by fixing the eyes of our hearts on Jesus can He begin to perfect us through intimacy of knowing Him.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Under Control
Hebrews 2:8 "Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control."
There is nothing outside His control. I feel like I need to repeat that over and over like a mantra. We are in the middle of selling our house. We have a contract on our house and we have a contract on the house we are buying. Closing dates have both been set for November 21. Then...... yesterday, we get a call from our realtor telling us that our house appraised SIGNIFICANTLY lower than the purchase price on our house. I felt sick immediately. All I could think was "What are we going to do??" Of course I immediately started praying asking God the same kinds of questions "What is your plan in this? This seems hopeless." And of course He answered me back.. because that's what He does. In that quiet voice that I have come to recognize very well, He answered me back.. "Don't you trust me?"
I think this verse was another answer to me this morning. It isn't a coincidence that I would read this in my quiet time with Him this morning. "There is nothing outside my control." He owns our house. It doesn't really belong to us. If He wants to sell it, then it will appraise for what it needs to appraise for. My answer to his question "Don't you trust me?" can be a wholehearted "YES! I trust you completely! You have ALWAYS been faithful and you have NEVER left me alone to deal with overwhelming circumstances." He has never disappointed me. He may not let our house sell. But I can trust Him because I know his heart. Because I have taken time to get to know Him and recognize His voice. I know I can trust him always. What a place of peace this is. That no matter what kind of storm or problem may come our way, He has everything under control.
There is nothing outside His control. I feel like I need to repeat that over and over like a mantra. We are in the middle of selling our house. We have a contract on our house and we have a contract on the house we are buying. Closing dates have both been set for November 21. Then...... yesterday, we get a call from our realtor telling us that our house appraised SIGNIFICANTLY lower than the purchase price on our house. I felt sick immediately. All I could think was "What are we going to do??" Of course I immediately started praying asking God the same kinds of questions "What is your plan in this? This seems hopeless." And of course He answered me back.. because that's what He does. In that quiet voice that I have come to recognize very well, He answered me back.. "Don't you trust me?"
I think this verse was another answer to me this morning. It isn't a coincidence that I would read this in my quiet time with Him this morning. "There is nothing outside my control." He owns our house. It doesn't really belong to us. If He wants to sell it, then it will appraise for what it needs to appraise for. My answer to his question "Don't you trust me?" can be a wholehearted "YES! I trust you completely! You have ALWAYS been faithful and you have NEVER left me alone to deal with overwhelming circumstances." He has never disappointed me. He may not let our house sell. But I can trust Him because I know his heart. Because I have taken time to get to know Him and recognize His voice. I know I can trust him always. What a place of peace this is. That no matter what kind of storm or problem may come our way, He has everything under control.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Love versus Law
I'm finding that my views on Christianity and what it means to be a believer of Christ is changing the older I get. I remember as a little girl, laying in my bed at night, praying and asking God to forgive me of my sins because I was afraid that if the rapture happened in the middle of the night that I wouldn't be taken to heaven because I had sinned that day. I was consumed with the fact that I was breaking the "law" of the Bible. I felt the constant need to be good, to try to measure up. After all, Christians are supposed to look different, right? But as I have gotten older, and as I have dug into the Bible to find the truth and what it means to me, I have seen that the New Testament isn't full of the law. It's full of love. The truth is, I don't care who you are, your life is never going to look the way it should. I'm always going to struggle with wanting to be about myself.
This morning, I was reading in 1 Timothy chapter 1. Paul says "the goal of this command is love, which comes with a pure heart, and a good conscience, and a sincere faith." That really is the goal. It's all about love. Christ's love that He so abundantly and graciously poured out on us. And we don't deserve it. When we experience His love, the pure heart, the good conscience, and the sincere faith comes with it. It's a natural work that Christ's love does in our hearts and lives. It changes us. I'm so thankful that it has and will continue to change me. I can go to sleep at night and rest easy that his sacrifice and my acceptance of it has made me righteous in his sight. He doesn't see my dirty sinful life anymore. He sees me clean, washed white by his perfect sacrifice.
This morning, I was reading in 1 Timothy chapter 1. Paul says "the goal of this command is love, which comes with a pure heart, and a good conscience, and a sincere faith." That really is the goal. It's all about love. Christ's love that He so abundantly and graciously poured out on us. And we don't deserve it. When we experience His love, the pure heart, the good conscience, and the sincere faith comes with it. It's a natural work that Christ's love does in our hearts and lives. It changes us. I'm so thankful that it has and will continue to change me. I can go to sleep at night and rest easy that his sacrifice and my acceptance of it has made me righteous in his sight. He doesn't see my dirty sinful life anymore. He sees me clean, washed white by his perfect sacrifice.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Clean up
The ice storm of 2014 is officially over and I'm so glad. Sunny skies and temperatures in the 60's, no wait, the 70's??? are here for a bit. I'm thankful that we were spared much of the damage, but there have been so many to have lost property to damage from the ice. Many are still without power and it's amazing how dependent we are on power.
Yesterday while I was out driving around, I was struck by all the brokenness I saw everywhere. Trees were laying in the road, power lines were down, branches were broken off, etc. It reminded me of what our brokenness must look like to God. We have all struggled with things in our lives that have left us broken. I know that I have. There was a time in my life several years ago where I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. I had lost my job and we were in deep debt. Our marriage was struggling due to the lack of time spent together. I was struggling with infertility. I felt extremely broken. My life looked like a mess (even if it didn't on the outside). But there is something special about brokenness. It puts you in a place to start over and I love starting over. Nothing feels better than a fresh start. As, I was out driving around in the mess, I saw so many people out cleaning up the mess in their yards. There were neighbors and families working together. It was taking hard work, but the end result would be something new. That's what happened in my life. When I reached that point of brokenness, I cried out to God for a fresh start. I was ready for a change. I knew it would take hard work. Hard work to get out of our debt. Hard work to put in the time to develop a stronger marriage. Hard work to depend on God to either help us get pregnant or give me peace if that was not His will. And God was FAITHFUL. He gave me strength to put in that hard work. He gave me neighbors and family, a community, that I could depend on for prayers and support. And God rebuilt my life.... because that's what God does. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). And He gives us a crown of beauty instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3)
So, while you may still be without power, or cleaning up the huge mess in your yard, or without cable (like me), take this time to reflect on what God can do with the brokenness in your life. Allow Him to work in your life. There can be something beautiful that comes out of that brokenness.
Yesterday while I was out driving around, I was struck by all the brokenness I saw everywhere. Trees were laying in the road, power lines were down, branches were broken off, etc. It reminded me of what our brokenness must look like to God. We have all struggled with things in our lives that have left us broken. I know that I have. There was a time in my life several years ago where I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. I had lost my job and we were in deep debt. Our marriage was struggling due to the lack of time spent together. I was struggling with infertility. I felt extremely broken. My life looked like a mess (even if it didn't on the outside). But there is something special about brokenness. It puts you in a place to start over and I love starting over. Nothing feels better than a fresh start. As, I was out driving around in the mess, I saw so many people out cleaning up the mess in their yards. There were neighbors and families working together. It was taking hard work, but the end result would be something new. That's what happened in my life. When I reached that point of brokenness, I cried out to God for a fresh start. I was ready for a change. I knew it would take hard work. Hard work to get out of our debt. Hard work to put in the time to develop a stronger marriage. Hard work to depend on God to either help us get pregnant or give me peace if that was not His will. And God was FAITHFUL. He gave me strength to put in that hard work. He gave me neighbors and family, a community, that I could depend on for prayers and support. And God rebuilt my life.... because that's what God does. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). And He gives us a crown of beauty instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3)
So, while you may still be without power, or cleaning up the huge mess in your yard, or without cable (like me), take this time to reflect on what God can do with the brokenness in your life. Allow Him to work in your life. There can be something beautiful that comes out of that brokenness.
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