Big Faith- Praying and Believing

As many of you know, Jonah, my son was recently discharged from the NICU. He was born 9 weeks early due to complications in my pregnancy. The NICU journey was extremely taxing on our family, emotionally and physically. But spiritually, it was invigorating for me. I know that sounds crazy, but I really mean it. This whole journey has changed me spiritually. More than anything, it has taught me about prayer and faith. These two things go hand in hand. I've learned that you can't pray for something and not expect results. If you do, you certainly won't get the results you were looking for.
About two weeks ago, Jonah was at a standstill in his progress. He had failed two crib tests, which just means he couldn't maintain his body temperature outside of the incubator and he was failing miserable at bottle feeding. His little suck muscles in his jaw just weren't working yet and he was just too tired to eat from a bottle. The doctors had told me that we wouldn't try another crib test for another week and that it would just take time for him to get better with bottles. I went home absolutely devastated. I felt like I absolutely could not handle having my child away from me any longer and I cried out to the Lord for help. And I heard an answer. It said, "ask me for what you want." Then he led me to several verses : Mark 11:22-24 (it talks about praying and believing and you will receive), then Matthew 13:58 (where it says "And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.". After reading these verses I distinctly felt the nudge to pray for what I wanted. And what I wanted more than anything is for Jonah to meet these specific milestones by Friday April 26. And that is what I prayed for. I prayed specifically that Jonah would meet those milestones by that Friday. Even though it seemed impossible, I prayed and believed. And in my weak moments I cried out, "Jesus, help my unbelief". If you have followed Jonah's story, you know that Jonah was discharged from the NICU on Friday April 26. This means he met those milestones even BEFORE Friday April 26. And I was reminded that Ephesians 3:20 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"
Now THAT is just like the God I serve. To do immeasurably more than I had asked. I promised the Lord that I would shout it from the rooftops how He had answered my prayer. It's taken me some time to post this because I haven't had a lot of sleep with my little premature angel at home, but I wanted to share another story of God's faithfulness to us and how He answered some prayers that took some big faith.
Jonah still has progress to make and I am continuing to pray prayers that are requiring more big faith, but I've seen the power of prayer and I believe that the God who created my child and knew him before he was formed is incredibly capable of handling what seems like the impossible.
I hope if you are reading this and are struggling with something, this will encourage you to ask and believe that God still does miracles. He still answers prayers.

Provision and Protection

I have started to write this post several times and either just didn't feel ready or didn't really know where to start. I'm warning you, if you are reading this, it could get long. Grab some coffee or if you don't have time to read it, it won't hurt my feelings. Those of you who know me personally already know some of this story, but I really wanted to share my pregnancy/delivery story because I want people to see how God has worked in my life. It is incredibly hard for me to put most of this in words and I'll try to spare you some of the gory details (some things are just too private or painful to share), but I hope that when you finish reading my story, you will see how big my God is.
I had a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy towards the beginning, other than the constant vomiting that comes with so many pregnancies for women. But when I hit the third trimester, it brought some complications. High blood pressure, swelling, and some hospital stays for monitoring and bed rest. But March 31, I had seriously high blood pressure that morning. My vision starting having some changes and I had a bad headache. After talking to my doctor on the phone, they admitted me to labor and delivery for monitoring again at Thomasville Medical Center. After only a few hours of being there, they decided my condition was serious enough to transfer me to Forsyth Medical Center for closer monitoring for me and the baby, especially in case I needed to deliver early. I was only 31 weeks pregnant at this point but had been given steroid shots to develop the baby's lungs in case they needed to deliver me. After two days of being on a drug from the pit of hell (magnesium sulfate- to keep me from having seizures that could hurt me and the baby), they decided that the baby wasn't growing properly and he was starting to get stressed from my preeclampsia. On Tuesday, April 2, they decided to induce me. At the beginning of my induction, they did some procedures to help me dilate and gave me some medicine to start contractions. I got my epidural and things starting moving along. I did have some serious complications from the magnesium during this period that scared all of us and my swelling in my face and the rest of my body got pretty horrible, but the baby was tolerating everything ok. My water broke on its own around 4am Wednesday morning and by 6am I was dilated to 6cm and 70% effaced. Unfortunately, that is when everything starting getting worse. I had put on enormous amounts of fluid and my blood pressure was sky high. The baby's heart rate kept dropping, and by lunch time, I was passing a decent amount of blood that concerned the doctor. They kept giving me more and more fluids through my IV to help the baby and this is what I looked like after swelling up like a balloon.

At this point, I was terrified. For myself. For the baby. Then, they lost the baby's heartbeat. The nurse couldn't find it and I just knew we had lost him. I had been in labor for 22 hours at this point and I thought it was over. I was devastated and trying to pray but I didn't even have the words to say. Then, just like that, the nurse found his heart beat again. Not long after that happened, I passed a large amount of blood and the baby's heart rate dipped again. The doctor came in and said that we weren't going to wait any longer. The baby couldn't tolerate the labor anymore so it was time for a c-section. Within 30 minutes of that conversation, we were in the middle of a c-section. At 2:37pm on April 3, 2013, my sweet Jonah Michael Dalton was born. He weighed 3 lbs and 6 oz and he cried immediately when they pulled him out. There are no words to describe what it feels like to love someone that you've never seen the first time you hear them. I hadn't even laid eyes on him and I knew I had never felt a love like that.
This is what he looked like right after he was born.

It is such a miracle that at 31 weeks and 5 days, he didn't require any oxygen at all. He has been breathing on his own since that first beautiful kitten-like cry that I heard. What a blessing!
The very first time I got to see him was after I had been in the recovery room for awhile. Unfortunately I was rather drugged up on morphine and other pain medications and that first meeting was pretty hazy but I remember thinking he was beautiful and what a gift he was. I didn't get to stay long with him because I was on a stretcher and I had to go back to my room.
After he was born, I really thought that my blood pressure would go back to normal and the swelling would be gone. Unfortunately, it took longer than that. My blood pressure was still dangerously high and I had to continue with the magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures. That meant no visiting my baby boy. However, there were some very special nurses in the NICU that decided they would bring him to me. So, the next day I got to hold my baby boy for the first time. There was no preparing me for that feeling.

Over the next two days, I peed off 10 liters of fluid.. yes that is 5 2-liter Coke bottles of fluid.
This is what I looked like after all the fluid was gone and I finally got to go to the NICU to hold my little one.

After several more days, I finally was stable enough to be released from the hospital and our NICU journey really began. As of today, Jonah is 3 weeks old and he is getting really close to coming home. This journey has been probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. From being scared for your baby's life and your own to being separated from your child and not being able to bring them home with you. It has been a time where I have been at my weakest points ever and I have found myself relying on God for strength that I would never have found elsewhere. He has taught me about his protection and his provision throughout it all. Through this whole process, I have never been alone. He has held me in the palm of his hand and I have found a peace in knowing that the God who created my sweet Jonah is in control and has this all planned out.
I didn't write this just to tell the story of what happened to me. I wrote it because I want people to know that I owe everything to my God. I can look back and see his fingerprints all over my story. He was there walking beside me and Corey and my family through this whole thing and He deserves glory and praise for what He has done.

Trashing my plans...

I am such a planner. I love to be prepared, to have a plan. I've always had a plan for my life. I knew when I wanted to get married, when I wanted to have babies. It's so amazing that my life has NEVER turned out according to my plans. Recently, I was put on bed rest for complications during my pregnancy. It's been quite the hitch in my plan. My plan had been to work until it was time for the baby to come. And I just knew that my baby would be born 2 weeks early so I wouldn't have to be miserable until the 40 week mark. I just knew that my pregnancy wouldn't be complicated. After all, I was healthy and not overweight. I never had blood pressure issues or any other health issues. Again, my plans have been foiled. So here I am, sitting in my PJ's on the couch, puffy hands and face, taking my blood pressure all day long, taking blood pressure medicine, and peeing into a jug that I have to turn into the dr's office in the morning.
I could sit here and be frustrated. Ok, sometimes I DO sit here frustrated. I could be angry that I'm stuck in the house or angry that I may very well get put back in the hospital tomorrow if my urine looks bad, or I can just accept that it's not about my plans. I can plan all I want, but if that isn't what God has purposed, then my plans are pointless. My plans to get pregnant before I was 30 was pointless. My plans to have an easy pregnancy were pointless. God has had other plans for me. And his plans come with purpose behind them. I may not always know what that purpose is, but it is true and it is for my good.
All through my life, I have seen people try to guess what God has in store for them, for their churches, for their families. But there is never any way we can forsee the future or know what God is going to end up doing. He always ends up going so much further beyond what we ever could have imagined. It may take us down a road that we never intended going down. But it is always SO MUCH BETTER than what we ever could have planned for ourselves. So we can keep planning, but in the end it is God's will that prevails, not ours.

Proverbs 21:30 "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan, that can succeed against the Lord."

If we could learn to pray this.. "God, I just want YOUR plan.", well.. I think we would never be surprised at the outcomes. We would never be disappointed at the road getting there.

Contagious Worship

22Here's the story I'll tell my friends when they come to worship,
and punctuate it with Hallelujahs:
23Shout Hallelujah, you God--worshipers;
give glory, you sons of Jacob;
adore him, you daughters of Israel.
24He has never let you down,
never looked the other way
when you were being kicked around.
He has never wandered off to do his own thing;
he has been right there, listening.
25Here in this great gathering for worship
I have discovered this praise--life.
And I'll do what I promised right here
in front of the God--worshipers.
26Down-and-outers sit at GOD's table
and eat their fill.
Everyone on the hunt for God
is here, praising him.
"Live it up, from head to toe.
Don't ever quit!"
27From the four corners of the earth
people are coming to their senses,
are running back to GOD.
Long-lost families
are falling on their faces before him.
28GOD has taken charge;
from now on he has the last word.
29All the power-mongers are before him
-worshiping!
All the poor and powerless, too
-worshiping!
Along with those who never got it together
-worshiping!
30Our children and their children
will get in on this
As the word is passed along
from parent to child.
31Babies not yet conceived
will hear the good news--
that God does what he says.
Psalm 22

I haven't blogged in ages and ages but when I read this today I knew I had to share it. I love worship. It's one of my favorite things in the world. I love worshiping through music which is probably why I love the Psalms so much. So, when I read this passage this afternoon, I was struck by simply this: This is contagious. Contagious worship.
One of my favorite worship bands just put out a new album with a song called "For the sake of the world." The chorus says "for the sake of the world, burn like a fire in me. Light a flame in my soul for every eye to see." That is what true worship is about. It's about being so consumed with what God is doing that it is catching. It's sparks catch other people on fire too. If we exhibited that kind of worship in our lives this is what we would see.. "people are coming to their senses, are running back to GOD. Long-lost families are falling on their faces before him. GOD has taken charge." I want to live a life filled with a contagious worship.

The Big Give Event

Over a year ago, my husband and I sat in a room of a few people that were dreaming. They were dreaming about reaching Davidson County for the Lord. We dreamed about being part of something that was different. We wanted to be part of a movement that really loved people right where they are at. We wanted to make a difference.
Not quite a year ago, Connection Church launched in Thomasville, NC, meeting at Ledford Middle School. Since then, small groups have worked at drug rehab houses, battered women's shelters, homeless shelters, etc. New believers have been made. People have been baptized. Over and over again, I have seen God do big things and bless our church.
But nothing could have prepared me for the feelings I got today during our "Big Give Event". The feeling of pride for my church. The feeling of gratitude for God just absolutely blessing us. The feeling that God was looking down and thinking, "These people have got it right. They are loving with no strings attached".
Today our church threw this event that included free bookbags with school supplies, free clothing, free health screenings, free haircuts, free non-perishable food, free hot dogs, etc. According to what I have heard, about 1200-1500 people showed up. We had about 100 volunteers (which is over a third of our entire church).
It was an incredible time and incredibly special to see the dreaming that started a year and a half ago become a reality.
Here are some pictures...

Christian Tolerance

I am not exactly sure where to start this blog, but I feel like I have alot to say. Lately, Facebook has been bombarded with statuses about this ammendment that is being voted on. It has been turned into an argument of discrimination vs. tolerance. This whole thing has led to some deep thinking on my part and some discussions with friends about being a Christian and the topic of "tolerance".
In our society these days, it is very difficult as a Christian to stand up for what you believe (that being what the Bible says) and not be viewed as "intolerant". Christians voice their beliefs and are labeled as hateful. My problem with this is , when did disagreeing on something make you intolerant? I don't call someone intolerant for disagreeing with me about my beliefs in God and my faith. That is their choice. They can speak out against my God if they choose. I don't call them hateful because they don't believe just like me.
In the dictionary, Tolerance is defined as "a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own."
You can respect someone's opinions and practices and allow them to make their own choices without stifling your own beliefs and values. Tolerance means we listen to what the other person is saying. It doesn't mean we have to agree. What it does mean is that we are supposed to be "non-judgemental". Only God is the judge of every man. But He has given us His Word to judge our own lives by.
As Christians, we should be modeling our lives by Christ. Christ was love embodied. But He did not tolerate sin. He loves us and accepts us as we are, but he doesn't tolerate the sin in our lives. As Christians, we are supposed to follow his example. He ate with tax collectors and prostitutes, but that doesn't mean that he accepted all of the decisions they made in their lives.
I speak out on this because I'm tired of the word "tolerance" in the capacity it is being used now. Frankly, I don't think the world is very "tolerant" of Christians.
All I know is that Christians are called to love, to meet people where they are, to embrace all people, to take care of the poor, but we are not called to compromise our values and morals. We are no better than anyone else. We all fall short of God's standards.
I have many, many friends that believe differently from me. But I love them, dearly. Just because I don't agree with them on every aspect on their lives doesn't mean I can't be friends with them or be part of their lives.
I read this really great quote about the difference between tolerance and love.
"Tolerance seeks to be inoffensive. Love takes risks. Tolerance costs nothing. Love costs everything." -Josh McDowell

If you are reading this and are offended, please know that wasn't the purpose of this. This wasn't to start a long argumentative conversation about the ammendment. Frankly, I'm sick of the arguing about it. This post is to simply let loose my inner musings on the difference between what the world says tolerance is and what it really is.

Investing in the Important

In my short life of 29 (almost 30) years, I have had to make some difficult decisions. None of them were easy to make and every single one of them came down to priorities. Priorities rule our lives. We make choices every day, some of them big, some of them small, but they are centered around our priorities, what is really important to us. We spend our time, our precious time, on what is important to us.
Since I've started working night shift, and I have very little time, my priorities have become clearer to me, and they have changed dramatically. I've realized more and more what is really important. It's not facebook, or words with friends, or my favorite tv shows. It's time with my husband. It's a good night's sleep (or should I say day's sleep). It's time for a phone call with my family or with a dear friend.
The biggest change in my priorities has been in the value of money. After several years of being unemployed and in school, Corey and I accumulated some debt. So naturally, when I graduated and got a real job, I took the night shift because it paid more. We needed the money to get out of debt and get our finances back on track. Sounds like a good choice right?
Well after a few months of working night shift, it came time to make a difficult decision. A decision that was made by my priorities. My changing priorities. I decided that money was not more important than my marriage. Money was not more important than my friends. Money was not more important than my health. Money was not more important than my having the time and energy to serve in my church. What I was doing was simply not working anymore. So, I made the decision to take less money to work day shift. I know that may not sound like a big deal to you, but it was a big decision for us. For so long, Corey and I haven't had any money. We struggled to pay our bills every single month and money became a very big deal.
The point of all of this is that there comes a point in our lives where we have to choose what is really important to us and sometimes it may take some sort of sacrifice on our part to do what is right and what is best for us and for our families, but I have seen how God blesses people when there priorities line up with His.
I remember when I was younger, my parents were trying to decide if Mom should quit work to stay home with me and be a housewife. Her income was important to our family but Mom and Dad made a decision that time with the family was more important than money and God blessed them for making that decision. When we put God first, when we put our families before other things, God blesses that.
I want to spend my life making decisions based on priorities that are in the right place.I don't want to look back on my life and see that I had plenty of money but not enough memories with my family and friends. I can't take the money with me but the memories and investments I made in relationships last forever. I want to invest in what's important.
What are your priorities? Are you investing your time and energy in things that will last?