Shock and Awe

If you know anything about me, you know I really am one of the most blunt people you will ever meet in your life. I say what I think.. sometimes much to the embarrassment of my husband. If I had a nickel for every time he looked at me in shock and said, "Lori!!!!", I would be a very rich woman. Over my life, I have left a lot of hurt feelings in my wake. I used to rationalize this by saying, Hey- at least I'm honest! But as I have gotten older, more of my dear friends have taken me aside to point out that hurting people's feelings is not just being "honest", it's being mean. I used to think that there wasn't anything I could do about this. I was born this way. I was born without a filter between my brain and my mouth. However,I have learned this is just an excuse. It is an excuse to allow myself to continue in bad habits of saying everything that I think. Don't get me wrong, one of the things I love about myself is that I say what I think. But it's never okay to say EVERYTHING that I think. I don't mind shocking people. Sometimes I think people need to be shocked.I am all for the shock and awe :) But I don't ever want my honesty to hurt someone. Words hurt worse than anything. I would rather be punched in the gut than have someone say something hurtful to me. Our physical wounds heal so much faster than our emotional wounds. I'm sure if you are reading this, you can think back to a time when somebody said something that hurt you. It was probably years ago, but yet you still remember that. Words leave a mark on your soul.
Last night, I found this quote by an unknown author and it set me to thinking about my words.
"A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may lessen stress. A loving word may heal and bless" - author unknown

I hope my words lessen stress. I hope my words are the kind that heal and bless. I don't want to use the excuse that at least I'm being "honest" anymore. I want to challenge myself to think before I speak. I want to learn to draw the line between honesty and hurtful. It's such a thin line.

Just Keep Swimming.....

This week has been so stressful. Nothing has gone like I planned or hoped it would. It all began with me getting really sick on Sunday then having to start a new minimester in nursing school. Because it was the very beginning of a new semester I absolutely could not miss the first couple of days or I would be so incredibly behind, so I have had to go to school sick and feeling awful this week. It is only Wednesday and I honestly am already counting down the minutes until the weekend gets here. What is so horrible is that the weekend is bringing its own stress with it. I have homework due on Sunday at midnight, none of the laundry has been done in over a week, the house is a disaster, and we have a preview service on Saturday night for a church plant we are involved in.
I know, I know, this sounds like a complaining session already.. But I share all of this because I know this happens to everyone. We all have weeks like this where nothing goes right, or we have so much going on we just want to hide under the bed. Life can be so busy and so incredibly stressful. Sometimes you just want to take a time out. It would be nice right now if I could take a time out. Unfortunately, life doesn't give us opportunities to take a time out. Time just keeps plugging right along.
So, today in the midst of my overwhelming stress, I came across an amazing version of one of my favorite verses.
Philippians 4:13 says " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
but this version is the one that spoke the most to me today.....
"Whatever I have, Wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."
I really really really needed that today. I have been reciting it over and over in my mind. I have been meditating on it. I desperately needed to know that I can make it through anything in Christ. He's the One who makes me capable of things I would never be capable of ordinarily. He is the One who makes me able to handle things I would never be able to handle. He is the One who gives me words to say when I could never think of them on my own. He is the One who will give me the strength to make it through this week of struggle. So, tonight... I will rest in knowing that I can make it through anything with His help. I may feel out of control but He won't let me be overwhelmed.
It reminds me of one of my all-time favorite movies "Finding Nemo".. I love Dorie and when she is singing "just keeping swimming. Just keeping swimming." I love her optimism and the way she just keeps plugging along with her oblivious innocence.
So, tonight, with his help.. I'm gonna just keep swimming.... just keep plugging along and I can rest in knowing that I know the One who makes me who I am and He's gonna take care of it all. He's gonna give me the strength to get through it.

Discipline : A Painful Process

Discipline is a thing I lack. I am getting better at it in some areas of my life and in others I still am far from where I would like to be, where I should be. I have found it to be a very difficult thing to achieve. Especially because becoming a person that is disciplined is a painful process. It takes a lot of effort. It takes sacrificing what you want for what you know is best. Sacrifice is uncomfortable. Discipline is uncomfortable. It takes focus. It takes resolve. It takes having real priorities. If something isn't super important to you, you will not make changes to become disciplined in that area.
In November, I began a "quest" to become a healthier me. Not so much in the eating habits but by working out and becoming more active. I had become lazy and overweight and my self-esteem had really suffered because of that. It took someone pointing out that to me for me to really get to a place where I sincerely was ready to make a change, to cultivate some discipline in that area of my life. It took me admitting I needed a change and then caring enough to actually do something about it.
That is what discipline is all about. Recognizing something that needs to change, caring enough about making the change, then DOING something about it. Just knowing you need to change isn't enough. Just caring about it isn't enough. It takes action too. And it's never easy. If it was easy, we would all have ourselves together.
The first few months of my journey to be more active were not fun. I did not enjoy getting up in the morning and hitting the gym when I could be in the bed or on the couch watching tv. But when I started seeing results, I felt a sense of accomplishment at what I had done and that fueled my desire to continue this new lifestyle even more.
I know that I need to start applying this to other areas of my life as well. I need to recognize areas of my life that are in need of a change, I need to care about making the change, and then I need to actually DO SOMETHING about it. Getting to that point takes time and I know it will be an uncomfortable process, but I also know from experience that it will be worth it in the end. I need to sacrifice some wants for what is best.

God I look to you

God I look to you. I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to you. You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength
I will love You Lord my shield
I will love You Lord my rock forever
All my days I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns forever
All my days Hallelujah

-God I look to You by Jenn Johnson, Bethel Live (Be Lifted High)

Vigilance

Vigilance is a big word. It is a word people don't really use alot these days. According to Merriam-Webster online, it's first use was in the 15th century. Its definition is to be alertly watchful especially to avoid danger.
I am an avid reader which is probably why I thought of this word today when reading a bible verse a friend had posted on his facebook.
"Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give into temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matt. 26:41
Simple verse but sure is good advice! I read that and felt like God must have known I needed to read it today. Really, I need to read it every day. Temptations are all around us. Today I was tempted to throw a fit when something didn't go my way. Yesterday I was tempted to spend money that we don't have to spend. Tomorrow I will probably be tempted again. I don't know about you- but if I'm being really transparent here- I am tempted every single day in some way or other. I'm tempted to be discontent with things in my life. I'm tempted to be selfish. I'm tempted to be mean and moody. I don't want to be discontented. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be mean and moody. My spirit is willing. But my body is so so so weak.
But here in this simple verse is the key. Vigilance. That is the key. Being alertly watchful. Being on the lookout for the temptation. If we spot it first, we can pray. And if we pray, we can overcome it.

So, just a challenge to whoever might read this and to myself. Be vigilant. Keep watch and pray so that you don't give into the temptations of today.

The Real Thing

It is Corey and my 4 year wedding anniversary. Hard to believe it's been 4 years already. It has gone by so fast and yet it's funny how I struggle to remember my life before he was in it. I have learned so much in these four years about myself, about love, about sacrifice, about putting someone else before myself. And yet, I still have so so much to learn. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have married my best friend. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know I married who the Lord hand-picked for me. The other day, I was talking to a girl, about 20 years old, about how I "knew" Corey was the one. She asked me how did I know? I told her it wasn't anything super romantic or earth-shattering. I told her that I knew because I'd rather spend time with him than anyone else and that feeling hadn't gone away after 6 months (which it had in the past with others). I knew because I saw things in him that I wanted to see in myself. He truly makes me better.

Marriage is hard work, but when you're working on it together with your best friend, it doesn't feel quite as hard. I can say that today, 4 years after marrying him, I love him so much more and in such a deeper way. I know that there will never be anyone better suited for me. It makes you feel pretty special to know that somebody loves all of you... the good, the bad, and the ugly. That my friends, is the real thing.

here are some pictures that I think summarize the best of these past 4 years...

Taking Responsibility

I honestly don't even know where to start tonight. I have so many thoughts bouncing around in this brain of mine that I really don't know where to begin. What I want to write about in this blog isn't an original thought of mine, although I wish I were that inspirational to come up with this on my own. However, these thoughts (or ramblings-if you will) stem from an amazing message I heard tonight at church. As I sat there, I felt convicted and inspired all at the same time. Probably a great combination!! Because when conviction and inspiration are combined for me, they equal the desire for a change.
Tonight, the pastor challenged us to "be the me God wants me to be". He challenged us to look in the mirror, at ourselves honestly, and see ourselves for what we really are. Then he talked about taking responsibility. Here is what he said.."You are in every relationship that you have. Every relationship has a common denominator.... YOU! You have input and influence in every relationship in your life simply because you're in it. As a result, you have a say in the health of every relationship in your life. They are healthy or not because of the role YOU play in them. If you're ever going to have a healthy family, a strong marriage, a solid connection with your kids, you've got to take responsibility for you. It all begins with you."
WOW. That is deep. What it boils down to is - my relationships can only be what my participation allows. I can either make it better or worse. Do other people play a role too? Yes, but it begins with me. I can change ME. I can't change other people. Just because it isn't my fault, doesn't mean it isn't my problem. So if my marriage isn't what I think it ought to be, then I better start working on myself. If my friendships aren't what I think they should be, I better be a better friend. If my relationship with my parents isn't good, then I can start working on being a better daughter. And since I know I'm not perfect, I have PLENTY of room to make changes.
I think as humans we just don't like to be responsible. We want to place the blame on other people. "well, THEY need to do this... THEY need to get better at that. I'm not the only one in the wrong." It began in the Garden of Eden with the very first sin. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and God confronted them about it.. we all know what happened. Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit. Eve blamed the snake for giving her the fruit. Nobody wants to take responsibility. Because it takes admitting that we are wrong. And that is NOT fun.
But if I want to grow as a person, as a Christian, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend- I need to take responsibility for me.
Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart. test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
I want that to be my prayer. That God would point out things in my life that need to change (and believe me, He's already gotten started!!!). And then, I want to let Him change me; to make me better. So that my marriage can be better, my friendships can be better, my relationships can be the best that they possibly can be. I want to take responsibility for me.