Under Control

Hebrews 2:8 "Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control."

There is nothing outside His control. I feel like I need to repeat that over and over like a mantra. We are in the middle of selling our house. We have a contract on our house and we have a contract on the house we are buying. Closing dates have both been set for November 21. Then...... yesterday, we get a call from our realtor telling us that our house appraised SIGNIFICANTLY lower than the purchase price on our house. I felt sick immediately. All I could think was "What are we going to do??" Of course I immediately started praying asking God the same kinds of questions "What is your plan in this? This seems hopeless." And of course He answered me back.. because that's what He does. In that quiet voice that I have come to recognize very well, He answered me back.. "Don't you trust me?"
I think this verse was another answer to me this morning. It isn't a coincidence that I would read this in my quiet time with Him this morning. "There is nothing outside my control." He owns our house. It doesn't really belong to us. If He wants to sell it, then it will appraise for what it needs to appraise for. My answer to his question "Don't you trust me?" can be a wholehearted "YES! I trust you completely! You have ALWAYS been faithful and you have NEVER left me alone to deal with overwhelming circumstances." He has never disappointed me. He may not let our house sell. But I can trust Him because I know his heart. Because I have taken time to get to know Him and recognize His voice. I know I can trust him always. What a place of peace this is. That no matter what kind of storm or problem may come our way, He has everything under control.

Love versus Law

I'm finding that my views on Christianity and what it means to be a believer of Christ is changing the older I get. I remember as a little girl, laying in my bed at night, praying and asking God to forgive me of my sins because I was afraid that if the rapture happened in the middle of the night that I wouldn't be taken to heaven because I had sinned that day. I was consumed with the fact that I was breaking the "law" of the Bible. I felt the constant need to be good, to try to measure up. After all, Christians are supposed to look different, right? But as I have gotten older, and as I have dug into the Bible to find the truth and what it means to me, I have seen that the New Testament isn't full of the law. It's full of love. The truth is, I don't care who you are, your life is never going to look the way it should. I'm always going to struggle with wanting to be about myself.
This morning, I was reading in 1 Timothy chapter 1. Paul says "the goal of this command is love, which comes with a pure heart, and a good conscience, and a sincere faith." That really is the goal. It's all about love. Christ's love that He so abundantly and graciously poured out on us. And we don't deserve it. When we experience His love, the pure heart, the good conscience, and the sincere faith comes with it. It's a natural work that Christ's love does in our hearts and lives. It changes us. I'm so thankful that it has and will continue to change me. I can go to sleep at night and rest easy that his sacrifice and my acceptance of it has made me righteous in his sight. He doesn't see my dirty sinful life anymore. He sees me clean, washed white by his perfect sacrifice.

Clean up

The ice storm of 2014 is officially over and I'm so glad. Sunny skies and temperatures in the 60's, no wait, the 70's??? are here for a bit. I'm thankful that we were spared much of the damage, but there have been so many to have lost property to damage from the ice. Many are still without power and it's amazing how dependent we are on power.
Yesterday while I was out driving around, I was struck by all the brokenness I saw everywhere. Trees were laying in the road, power lines were down, branches were broken off, etc. It reminded me of what our brokenness must look like to God. We have all struggled with things in our lives that have left us broken. I know that I have. There was a time in my life several years ago where I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. I had lost my job and we were in deep debt. Our marriage was struggling due to the lack of time spent together. I was struggling with infertility. I felt extremely broken. My life looked like a mess (even if it didn't on the outside). But there is something special about brokenness. It puts you in a place to start over and I love starting over. Nothing feels better than a fresh start. As, I was out driving around in the mess, I saw so many people out cleaning up the mess in their yards. There were neighbors and families working together. It was taking hard work, but the end result would be something new. That's what happened in my life. When I reached that point of brokenness, I cried out to God for a fresh start. I was ready for a change. I knew it would take hard work. Hard work to get out of our debt. Hard work to put in the time to develop a stronger marriage. Hard work to depend on God to either help us get pregnant or give me peace if that was not His will. And God was FAITHFUL. He gave me strength to put in that hard work. He gave me neighbors and family, a community, that I could depend on for prayers and support. And God rebuilt my life.... because that's what God does. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). And He gives us a crown of beauty instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:1-3)
So, while you may still be without power, or cleaning up the huge mess in your yard, or without cable (like me), take this time to reflect on what God can do with the brokenness in your life. Allow Him to work in your life. There can be something beautiful that comes out of that brokenness.

A look back at 2013

2013. What a year! I can honestly say that 2013 was the most challenging year of my life. We became parents for the very first time after an incredibly difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult post-partum period, with Jonah spending time in the NICU. And nothing could have prepared me for coming home with a 4 lb preemie that still wasn't very good at drinking a bottle without choking. I will never forget the desperate, hormonal prayers I sent up to my Heavenly Father during that time. In 2013, I found God in a new way. I found him in my most needy place.
Psalm 18 was my theme for 2013
"I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take Refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord. I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice. my cry came before him, into his ears. "
He has been my rock,my fortress, and my deliverer. I wouldn't want to relive 2013 again, but I would simply for the fact that it brought me closer to Christ. It made me a stronger woman. It made me a mother. It made me appreciate my husband in a new way.
I never would have guessed that I would be thankful for struggle and trials, but I have learned to appreciate them for what they bring. They bring character and they help mold you into the image of Christ.

Here are a few pictures of our 2013

We are so incredibly thankful for the trials and miracles that 2013 brought our way

A Perfect Gift

I have not blogged in ages. Having an 8 month old son does not leave much time for blogging. Or reading. Or sleeping. Or cleaning. The list could go on. But tonight as I was putting Jonah to bed, I rocked him. And as I held my sweet sleeping son and prayed over him as I do every night, all I could think of was "thank you, God, for this gift." Jonah was exactly that. A gift. A gift that I prayed for. I prayed months and months that I would be blessed with a child. Corey and I dealt with infertility for awhile. We saw a fertility specialist for several months and tried some non-invasive treatments to no avail. We began to feel like having a child would never happen for us and decided to take some time off from treatment and take a break. I was discouraged and tearful most of the time. I resented when my friends would tell me they were expecting, but I continued to pray. Then one day when I was least expecting it, I found out I was pregnant. No words could begin to describe how I felt that day. I had a very complicated pregnancy with Jonah coming very early and when I first laid eyes on him, I knew he was my gift from God. The gift that I had prayed for. Just like in 1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him".
I share all of this simply because the love I have for my son is magnified because of how deeply I longed for him. The gratefulness I feel in my heart when I rock him to sleep at night is so much stronger because of how much I yearned to be a mother. The love you have for your child is something deeper than I was ever prepared to feel. It rips your hearts to shreds in one moment and then sends it soaring with a joy the next.
So as I rocked Jonah tonight I thought about how God felt about his son, Jesus. His one and only son. And with all of that love that He felt for his son, He still loved us so much that He sent his one and only son to earth for us. That kind of sacrifice blows my mind. I cannot imagine offering Jonah up for a sacrifice for people that would reject me, people that would find me insignificant, that would make fun of me. Yet that is exactly what God did. He offered us a perfect gift knowing that many would not accept His gift.
This Christmas is different for me this year. I have a better understanding of the sacrifice it took for God to give me and you the most perfect gift.
Merry Christmas to all and may you accept this perfect gift today

Glorious Ruins

Last night was worship practice and we are doing a new song on Sunday. It's called Glorious Ruins by Hillsong Live. I've heard this song plenty of times because I'm obsessed with this album anyways, but last night I really focused on the lyrics and was just in awe of what they had to say.

When the mountains fall
And the tempest roars You are with me
When creation folds
Still my soul will soar on Your mercy

I'll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I'll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
in the light of your glorious grace

Let the ruins come to life
In the beauty of Your Name
Rising up from the ashes
God forever You reign

And my soul will find refuge
In the shadow of Your wings
I will love You forever
And forever I'll sing

When the world caves in
Still my hope will cling to Your promise
Where my courage ends
Let my heart find strength in Your presence

Wow. What a testament to what God can do with our struggles and in times of trouble. He has brought me from ruins to life. He revives us. He gives us strength to carry on through those difficult times and He reminds us that the cross is enough to make up for all of our failures. If that doesn't make you want to sing, then I don't know what will.

Isaiah 61:7
Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

I'm so thankful that He brings beauty from the ashes of our lives.

The best blessings take work

Today has been a difficult day. And really it has been a difficult day in a line of difficult days. Jonah is 7 months old now but is really developmentally a 24 week old baby considering how early he was born. Not sure if he's going through a growth spurt, or teething, or if his reflux is bothering him, but he has been a grumpy little boy for almost a week. One thing I AM thankful for is his nighttime sleeping patterns. He slept 12 hours again straight last night. Thank you, Jesus for being so merciful to this tired, stressed mama.
No one could have prepared me for motherhood adequately. Who knew something could bring you such agony and joy at the same time? The agony of sleepless nights, screaming babies, constantly smelling like spit up, picking boogers, nap-fighting; and then the joy of bedtime rocking, splashes of bath time, giggles, big gummy smiles, and the huge smile on your child's face when you pick them up. I definitely say the joy outweighs the hard times and I honestly believe that is what gets me through these fussy days. It's hard to put into words what it feels like to be a mother. I always wanted to be one and there was a difficult journey for me to become a mother. I'm so thankful that God gave me this gift. I don't ever want to take it for granted. It may be really, really, really hard some days, but the reward is so much greater than I ever could anticipate. Seems to me that most of the best gifts from God take the most work, or the most patience,or the most pain. But then, there is the huge blessing in it. Maybe it's because if we don't invest our blood, sweat, and tears into something we can't really appreciate how wonderful it is?
Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to invest in someone through a difficult day, because I know that joy comes in the morning.